I never really read much until was nearly 38. Then I couldn't get enough. I started writing shortly after and still struggle to write when not feeling zealous about it. I used to have a rule: If I wasn't writing, I had to be reading. Actually, I still have that rule. But I fall into the trap sometimes, too, where I think, If I read more, I’ll figure out what to write next. Then I procrasti-read. There is just too much to read and not enough time.
So many delicious phrases in this piece. The one that stood out to me the most, though, was you no longer being in a "state of active emotional inflammation." Oof, I feel this. The work, THIS work, is hard; you're right. And it's so worth it, no? Hooray for loosening the calendar and allowing...whatever it is you want to allow. I'm here for it. See you every couple of weeks!
"I couldn’t immolate myself further to get up the next rung. I had to get off that ladder entirely." I 100% relate to this. It is so, so difficult to shift from a structured plan to "going with the flow" (which... what is this mysterious flow?!)
I am looking forward to reading more of your writing in this space! ♥️
"I didn’t have the space to hold someone else’s story, nor did I have the strength to metabolize any of my own."
"My fingers can’t move fast enough to get all the thoughts out. It feels good. It feels urgent."
"I created a structure for myself to climb. Striving, always, to get ahead. I thought myself a shark and stopping would mean death."
SO MANY GEMS IN THIS ESSAY. I discovered you today and I have to say what a pleasant surprise. I felt every sentence. I resonated so much with your words. I felt you were speaking directly at me. You gave words to so many of the thoughts I've been internalizing. Incredible. Please keep them coming. Nice to meet you!!
I never really read much until was nearly 38. Then I couldn't get enough. I started writing shortly after and still struggle to write when not feeling zealous about it. I used to have a rule: If I wasn't writing, I had to be reading. Actually, I still have that rule. But I fall into the trap sometimes, too, where I think, If I read more, I’ll figure out what to write next. Then I procrasti-read. There is just too much to read and not enough time.
Thank you for your comment!
It does feel like they're on some sort of see-saw: read or write. One or the other. Also, procrasti-read is my new favorite word.
It's a great word. I stole it from somebody last year.
So many delicious phrases in this piece. The one that stood out to me the most, though, was you no longer being in a "state of active emotional inflammation." Oof, I feel this. The work, THIS work, is hard; you're right. And it's so worth it, no? Hooray for loosening the calendar and allowing...whatever it is you want to allow. I'm here for it. See you every couple of weeks!
The work is hard but so worth it. I am so glad you are here for it ♥️ Thank you!
"I couldn’t immolate myself further to get up the next rung. I had to get off that ladder entirely." I 100% relate to this. It is so, so difficult to shift from a structured plan to "going with the flow" (which... what is this mysterious flow?!)
I am looking forward to reading more of your writing in this space! ♥️
♥️ Thank you!!
"I didn’t have the space to hold someone else’s story, nor did I have the strength to metabolize any of my own."
"My fingers can’t move fast enough to get all the thoughts out. It feels good. It feels urgent."
"I created a structure for myself to climb. Striving, always, to get ahead. I thought myself a shark and stopping would mean death."
SO MANY GEMS IN THIS ESSAY. I discovered you today and I have to say what a pleasant surprise. I felt every sentence. I resonated so much with your words. I felt you were speaking directly at me. You gave words to so many of the thoughts I've been internalizing. Incredible. Please keep them coming. Nice to meet you!!