My Phone is Dead and I Wrote About It
Learn through my experience: Don't tempt the fates by saying everything will be alright
I knew I was taking a chance when I manifested no more indignations for March. I knew I was tempting fate by saying, “You know what? The rest of this month will be indignation-free!”
I should’ve known better1. Instead of inviting stability into my life, I should’ve known I was actually inviting further low-to-middle-grade chaos.
I am amending March to a double-indignation month.
Here’s how this week’s indignation went…
Monday: Indignation free what a blessed day I am on a road to success and contentment ✨
Tuesday: I wake up. I immediately look at my phone because I am not a strong-willed individual.
“Huh, this phone is not fully charged. Weird. It’s also like pleasantly warm. Ok”
I do some stuff before I head out for the day. By the time I get in the car, this phone is beyond warm, and the battery is plummeting quickly. It’s not like I’ve been using this phone to echolocate my way through my house; I was just listening to Vanderpump Rules recap podcasts.
Google Maps works, so I am able to get to my destination, a place I had never been before and would’ve been very hard to get to without my phone. Thanks phone!
The phone is clearly not great though, so I plan to go to the ✨Genius Bar✨ after. I turned off the Wi-Fi/telephone connection and hope they work later. I put the phone under my desk.
Someone walks by and says, “Good place to put your phone to avoid temptation.”
By the time I get to leave, this thing is 🔥scorching🔥. I’m able to map my way to the Apple Store where the ✨Genius✨ tells me that because of *add fine print here*, they can’t get me a new phone today, but that they would order one for me. I would get an email, they said, when the new one arrived. Tomorrow or Thursday at the latest, they said.
Filled with hope, I almost step in dog poop in the mall, and head home. I turn my phone off for the rest of the day.
Wednesday: I touch the phone in the morning because I am still the tech-addicted person I was on Tuesday. This thing is 🔥RADIOACTIVE🔥. Like, the kind of heat where the phone turns itself off because it knows it needs to calm down.
Concerned my Dualingo streak will not survive, I quickly practicé mon français. I post a story on Instagram, letting the world know that I can’t use my phone and am super anxious about it. I’m sure everyone was gravely concerned.
I turned my phone off, left it at home, and walked out my door, ready to face the day. As soon as I left, I realized I needed a Metro/Clipper Card. I conveniently had one on my phone. I guess with no phone now I don’t have a functioning public transport ticket. Funny how that works. I went back home and dug through a bunch of “random stuff” drawers, and I found six analog cards. Two of them were functional, and one of them had enough money.
I had a dentist appointment, so I memorized the address before I left. I trusted my amazing memory skills would not lead me astray2. But of course, I got it wrong. I spent 20 minutes walking around two or three blocks, asking every building, “Are you my dentist?” like in some strange children’s book.
I spend the rest of my day focused on life. I did have that tech-addiction itch I needed to scratch, so later in the day, I turned on my phone. And holy god, the phone was not well.
I turn it off. No information from the ✨Genius✨ . I’m afraid they might’ve called me… But I’m sure they know I can’t answer my phone, right?
Thursday: I wake up at 3am because I’m a super chill person. I try to turn on my phone. When I charge it, the sides become too hot to touch. It barely turns on, enough time to try to send a second Instagram message informing my concerned audience that I was still doing my non-consensual, tech-free, mediation.
The anxiety that someone is non-iMessaging me or calling me with something important keeps me up for a good number of hours. I find my reading light, get my library book, and hope it distracts me enough to fall asleep.3
I try to access an account in the morning and get a request for Two-Factor Authentication. Well. Fck. I guess I can’t get into my *important* account anymore. This phone-thing is no longer a “cute wow I guess I really need Google Maps and I waste a lot of time on my phone such a learning I am connected to all of creation now” experience and is now a “fuck I can’t get into my accounts” low-grade emergency.
No information from the ✨Genius✨ , so I message some Apple Chat Support Something. “Oh, that Repair ID was closed on Tuesday. I can’t tell if they’re actually working on anything.”
The realization that I have been waiting for nothing sets in. I sigh it out.
As of this hitting your inbox, I am phoneless. If you’ve called me or texted me and I have been unresponsive, know that I feel really bad about it.
I hope the streak-freezes save me on Dualingo.4
Lesson learned: Indignations of the Month have to be done the last week of the month. Anything else is tempting fate. And I really don’t want to keep doing that.
A common theme around here
I remember every single lyric I’ve ever heard. Try me.
Caramelo by Sandra Cisneros, it’s lovely.
Almost a year!!!