Indignation of April: I am not obsessed with feet

But my Instagram algorithm thinks I am

May 01, 2024

Welcome to the April 2024 edition of Indignation of the Month! This is a series where I explore the minor affronts to my existence; the tears to my daily “dignation” if you will.

In March, I experienced many small annoyances and one very big one. This month, technology has let me down yet again.

You know how sometimes you think of a thing - you swear to God you don’t even utter a word of it into existence - but then it magically appears in an ad as you’re scrolling through Instagram? And you’re hit with this terrifying realization that you’re just food for the robots who will replace us?

This is not one of those times.

One day, I was on my Instagram search page because I wanted to search for someone whose life I know by heart but whom I refuse to follow out of principle.

And there it was. That image. It was so strange, so alien. I just had to look closer.

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                                                            “Are those… feet?”

The dog at work is more my vibe, to be honest. More dogs, please! Do better math and robots.

Of course, I clicked on one of those three pictures. Maybe all of them.

That click was the beginning of the end. The math that runs whatever series of equations that is My Algorithm went “She bit. Full speed ahead with the feet content guys!” That innocent click checked some “interested in natural feet content” box I can’t uncheck.

Now, my Instagram search page has become feet. Natural feet.

The dumb math that is My Algorithm kept giving me more feet because that is what it does: it gives you more itch to scratch. I’m not here right now to pontificate about whether that’s morally correct or not. I am here to say that this particular algorithm-induced-rabbit hole was a strange one.

The stranger it got, the more I clicked. I guess I clicked because I was trying to answer how I got to the foot place in the first place. Maybe I’d find a dog with fun footwear, and that would make some sense. But once you’re in the strange, foot-obsessed place, defining a reason how you got there is hard.

Here’s a random sampling of what I got served in case you’re curious:

Apparently, we’re all out here with too-small toe gaps and toes that are not dexterous enough. I don’t understand why the # of bones and muscles matter but, now you know I guess. Hope you’re empowered with that knowledge.

Yeah. There are more feet pictures ahead. You’ve been warned. And I’m sorry.

As with all “we’re doing everything wrong these days” content, the posts My Algorithm was serving me had two vibes:

Vibe 1: Nature was right and we ruined it: “Babies are right and we’ve ruined our feet forever” is what my Instagram is telling me. Look, I’m sure that’s true in a lot of ways for a lot of things. Babies do have many important things figured out: They can’t speak, and they don’t worry about taxes. But they are masters of the shape of feet? I have to worry I am ruining that, too, as I age away from being a baby? According to my Instagram, yes.

Foot magic and foot shaming. Is your foot not shaped like a baby’s? No? Shame. on. you. Big bad red X for you.

I will allow myself some scientific skepticism here. Pictures of babies’ feet (no matter how cute) aren’t particularly helpful in making the point that we’ve ruined our foot shape. We can’t compare ourselves to babies. They’ve lived for a short amount of time and very little of it standing up. It’s like comparing our hands with baby hands. Mine are no longer cute and chubby. Does that mean they’re “bad” and no longer magical? Sad if true.

Vibe 2: We ruined nature but if you buy this thing from me I will make it better: Someone is out there wondering: how can I make money off the people concerned about their no-longer-baby-level-dexterous feet? It’s the internet; someone is always trying to sell something. In this case, it’s the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen. And some needle-foot-board thing that unlocked a new level of “please, god no” in me.

Clown shoes or torture flip-flops. The choice is yours. But those are the only options if you care about your feet.

I’ll stop with the pictures of feet now.

Look, I don’t mean to foot-shame you if you’re concerned about the shape of your feet. I know foot shapes can make life hard and painful. People get bunion surgeries because they hurt, and bunions can be caused by wearing too narrow footwear.

But this content My Algorithm is giving me is not for the bunion-afflicted. It’s for the bunion-and-beyond anxious. I refuse to be defined as such. I have many, MANY, fears. Bunions are not one of them.

I will try to stop clicking on the feet images. But some itches I just need to scratch. Maybe I will find the nexus, that dog with fun shoes, that made My Algorithm think I wanted feet in the first place.

Catch you next time. Wishing you good foot health till then.